Satoru Gojo. Draco Malfoy. Spencer Reid. Levi Ackerman. Mister Darcy. Fictional crushes have been a mainstay in popular culture since practically the dawn of time. Girls everywhere connect to all kinds of media by finding a new fictional beau to adore, and then they search for others who share their parasocial obsession just as the good Lord intended—Lord, in this case, referring to Wattpad authors. It’s a way for women to connect with other women over a shared interest, which, in my opinion, is fabulous.
But in a chronically online world, anything with the slightest ounce of "cringe" never goes without its scorching criticisms. Feminine interests have always been vilified as silly and superficial. And sure, I won’t pretend that my own childhood fixations on Legolas and Anakin Skywalker weren't comical to say the least. I won’t pretend like I don’t raise an eyebrow when Y/N does the horizontal tango with Edward Cullen in a questionably written fanfiction. But with fictional crushes being such a universal experience, it causes one to wonder why so many girls have formed connections with imaginary men. Perhaps it’s because so many of these fictitious Casanovas have what many men do not: positive masculinity.
The online world especially is constantly inundating men with what it means to be, well, a man. Being a brutal hard-ass in the name of masculinity plays into the lie that men have to maintain a harsh exterior in order to live up to the macho ideal. For girls, it can feel like every boy in their circle is allergic to vulnerability and just wants to get in their pants. When people like this are what so many women have been exposed to from a young age, it leads them to search for a selfless, non-brutal man in other places. There is safety in the warm embrace of a fictional crush who appears authentically nurturing and courageous within the pages of a book.
We’ve all heard of the “women writing men” idea that describes how female authors tend to create male characters with stronger ideals of positive masculinity than male authors. A woman’s ideal of what makes a man a person of character is clearly different from how men believe women want to see them portrayed. I so often hear good-natured, genuine men in fiction being described as “written by a woman.” The idea of brutal masculinity being more desirable has lodged itself into the collective male psyche, which harms both men and women. And it leads women to search for an escape from a world where toxic masculinity often wins the day.
This isn’t to say that men don’t absolutely have fictional crushes too. Padmé Amidala and Elizabeth Swann exist. But there is a distinctly female aspect to the experience of having a “book boyfriend.” Let’s use teenage me as the guinea pig here. After the fateful night when I first watched “The Lord of the Rings,” I was enamored with Aragorn, the dashing and kind-hearted heir to the throne. It was as if my eyes had been opened to a whole new universe of possibilities. In a world where boys my age were asking me to send nudes, it was refreshing to see a man on screen who treated his lover like a goddess. While I heard guys referring to their girlfriends as “my bitch” and neglecting to hold the door for them, Aragorn was putting himself last to ensure that those he cared for were protected. While boys were being cruel to the bus driver, Aragorn treated everyone with gentleness despite their social station. My world was rocked. Little did I know that what I was seeing was simply positive masculinity in action, which is hard to come by even on a college campus, let alone a middle school.
Of course, you can’t live in the dream world forever, but hope is not lost for us hopeless romantics. Many men I've come across know how to behave respectfully. Positive masculinity thrives in many places, but it sometimes takes a few failed frat bro Tinder hookups to find it. As they say, love is a battlefield, and sometimes you have to be the wounded soldier to learn that you don’t deserve to be left bleeding out. As a kid, seeing Aragorn display vulnerability, warmth and valiance on the big screen helped shape my idea of what women everywhere deserve to experience from the men in their life. It taught me what mature love looks like, giving me a better sense of what traits to search for in a real life boyfriend. It taught me to never settle for anything less than a love that was patient and kind. It changed my life for the better. How can that be bad?
