By Tas Anjarwalla
*All names in this story have been changed
Of course, with any February issue of a magazine, there comes the typical Valentine’s Day articles — where to go on a date, how to get a date, what to get your date, how to survive not having a date, etc.
But, let me stop myself before I fall into that age-old diatribe about how Valentine’s Day is a mass-market consumer holiday fueled by capitalistic monsters banking on the pitiable sensibilities of American girls. And let me stop myself from proclaiming that this holiday is actually about expressing true love. Because here is what it really is. This holiday is a designated time for boys to don formal ties and fret over Whitman’s samplers and overstuffed white teddy bears and heart-shaped necklaces. A time for girls to pull out their little red dresses and high heels and spend days anxiously wondering what their night has in store. Valentine’s Day is a test. It’s the SAT for boys, and girls are the College Board. In order to score, you need to exceed expectations.
For so long, Valentine’s Day has been built up as the big romantic holiday where you at least have to do something, because if you don’t, you are a lazy, lame boyfriend.
A lot of girls say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day, but then they get mad when you don’t do anything. A lot of girls say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day, but then they get mad when you DO something.
John, a senior biology and psychology major experienced this firsthand. “I had only been dating this girl for a few months before Valentine’s Day,” he said, “so I wasn’t really sure what I should do. I made a dinner reservation for that night and bought her a necklace and roses. When she came over to my place in the afternoon, and I told her I was taking her out, she got angry. She had told me she didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day before, but still, how was I not going to do anything? She told me she had already planned a girls’ night out, and she took my gifts, said, ‘Thanks for the necklace, but you know I don’t like roses,’ then peaced.” How is anyone even supposed to take that? Juxtapose that with Rico’s story, and utter confusion will ensue.
“My girlfriend and I had only been together for a few weeks before Valentine’s Day,” Rico, a sophomore English major says. “She was my good friend before we started dating, and I remembered how once she whined about her ex and his clichéd gifts. The day before Valentine’s Day, she reminded me that she thought the holiday was stupid and wasn’t expecting anything special. So, I told her I couldn’t get off work anyway, since I work at a fancy restaurant. I didn’t get a chance to see her the next day until after I got off work, and she was quiet the whole night. Before we went to bed she whispered, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ then turned around and fell asleep. I stayed awake for at least an hour, feeling like a total jerk. Her friends confirmed it the next day.”
Both John and Rico have been victims of the “Should I or shouldn’t I?” conundrum. Should they believe their girlfriends when they say they don’t want to celebrate V-Day? If the two have only recently started dating, how can boyfriends know their girlfriends well enough to understand what is really being said? Are boys expected to be mind readers?
For some, especially the newbies, Valentine’s Day can be either over or underwhelming. If partners are not in tune with what step they are at in their relationships, then there is a good chance that things could get uncomfortable. What if your girlfriend of two years makes plans with her single sorority sisters? What do you do when your boyfriend of two months buys you something really expensive? Is it OK to send your long-distance girlfriend an e-card? Should you take the girl you just started seeing to a pricey dinner?
Marisa, a junior political science and French major, talks about her own encounter with these awkward expectations: “My boyfriend was away at school for Valentine’s Day. But, one day a little after February 14th, I came home from tennis practice, and there were rose petals and chocolates covering every surface in my room. It would have been cute if we’d been together longer, but it was just too much.” This wasn’t the first time Marisa felt besieged by her Valentine, however.
“Sophomore year of high school, my boyfriend of three weeks put all of this mushy stuff in my locker. Then he proceeded to walk around school wearing a shirt that said ‘I heart Marisa.’ I was mortified and couldn’t handle it. One year later a substitute teacher recognized me as the girl from that T-shirt. I don’t know why anyone thought I would like that.”
So why is it that a guy feels the need to do something extraordinarily special for Valentine’s Day? If you were to pick up a women’s magazine, you’d find that most women in their 20s say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day. Or, are they just pretending they don’t care so that they can be the super-chill, super-cool, independent feminist girlfriends? Doesn’t every girl secretly want a beautiful, romantic day that she will always remember? Because, really, what is so wrong with that? The answer: Nothing. That is, until you expect it. Because once you start expecting a perfect, romantic day, then the pressure is on.
“I thought my boyfriend was planning a wonderful night for me two years ago,” Julia, a freshman public relations major says. “He was being all secretive a few days before, and even asked me what shoe size I was. I was so excited. Turns out he was taking me cosmic bowling and wanted to know if I’d fit into his mom’s shoes.” Julia later admitted that it wasn’t a bad night, but she’d been so caught up in her expectations that she only set herself up for disappointment. She actually loves bowling.
The focus of Valentine’s Day now centers on guys working hard to impress girls, or girls pretending they don’t care in order to impress guys. Single girls also fall victim to the silly expectations of Valentine’s Day.
“Every year I wait to be asked out for Valentine’s Day,” Sheila, a junior print journalism student says. “I keep that day free until the night of February 13th, and then maybe I’ll decide to go out with friends. I know it sounds pathetic, but there is a little part of me that wants something special. I’ve had a few boyfriends, just never on Valentine’s Day. I’m still waiting for a real Valentine.”
And then there are the single girls who purposefully make plans with their other single friends. They partake in the same fancy dinners and cocktails they might share with a date. “No girl wants to be by herself on V-day,” Sheila says. “It’s sad.”
But is it really that sad? Or is it more saddening that people feel like they have to do something special? Yes, being alone on Valentine’s Day can be a downer. But the whole point isn’t about where you go, or what you’re doing. There shouldn’t be these expectations of greatness. I’m going to be cliché and say it, but if you’re really original, Valentine’s Day isn’t about expectations. It’s about whom you’re with.
Isaac, a senior psychology major, says his long term girlfriend’s only request for Valentine’s Day was to spend it with him. “So I made her dinner, and we watched movies and made love all night.” Blanch if you must, but that sounds perfect to me.
